Written by Mommy

Tuesday night I was giving ViviAnne her bath and I noticed immediately upon washing her hair that it was falling out badly! She has been in a constant state of shedding since the beginning of chemo but not handfuls worth since induction. As I mentioned her new growth was sticking straight up through her thinning her. Well all day today her hair fell out by the handful!! She has been scratching her neck from all the tickling and tonight during bath I thought "if I sit here and keep washing it is just going to all come out in my hands."

I couldn't believe how much hair was coming out and she never even flinched. I asked her if she was sad about it falling out and she said no that she was scared. She would look at her hair lying on my lap after she would lay on me and just stare at her blonde hair on my legs against my black pants. You could tell her little 3 year old brain was trying to put it all together. I explained it would grow back and it is okay and she is beautiful and like many other little girls at the clinic she will be just as wonderful too. It broke my heart to have such a converstaion with my daughter. She is such a girly girl and I don't want her to be scared. Brent asked me how I was doing with it. I responded with, "I have no choice. I have to be fine so that she is fine." And so that is how I am with a lot of this, just fine.

She was real quiet all day today, weak acting and sounding is what it was. She has been very weak and close by me all week. You can tell she just doesn't feel well. Around 5ish she perked up today. She gets about two bursts of energy a day. They usually last about an hour or so. One around 10ish and then one around 5ish. Sleep follows not too long after the bursts. She sleeps in 2-3 hour spurts this week and last. Very restless and whimpers most of the night. I do what I can to soothe her all though it is not enough. Talk about helpless. Maybe that describes how I really feel; fine and helpless. This, like all things, is not in my hands; it is in God's and all we can do is pray.