ViviAnne goes to her one year check tomorrow! She has been seen every 4 weeks since her last Vincristine push on September 25, 2010. We're here. She made it to a year. After tomorrow's appointment they will only see her once every 8 weeks. She will be glad to have this larger space between appointments. Last time she asked me how much longer she was gonna have to keep doing this. She became a patient at the clinic May 2008. She is a bit spent with it all. Trying to explain it to a 6 year old who doesn't remember not going to these doctors but still knows she doesn't want to miss school to go visit them is difficult. She'll get it one day.
So I said Anxious in the title of this post because I am! Last week I started to get this feeling of dread in me. One I've felt before. The feeling that something bad is coming. Something, but what?!?! Was it that Brent had a hard day at work? Is it finances stressing me and leaving me feeling hopeless? I push back to the back of my mind that it is NOT the return of Cancer! Its NOT!!! She is fine and as I type that I can honestly say I half way believe it. This past year I've believed it. I had a scare but figured out she can get a fever and it will be fine. But this is different. The knot that was in my stomach all this week and half of last week is now in my throat! This was not a feeling I was expecting to have. I wasn't expecting to have any feelings honestly. I was expecting to truck right along with this appointment as I have the past 6. Routine check up and then on with life. I'm not though. I wish it were finances or something else giving me this dread. Not cancer. ViviAnne is ALIVE and HAPPY and SMART and WONDERFUL and I'm sitting here about ready to throw up! Ugh. It is gonna be a long day and night and then after tomorrow when they tell me she is still cancer free I hope the 8 weeks between appointments don't bother me. I hope I just truck right along. Ugh
Please pray for a family. Jeremy Bartlett lost his fight to ALL yesterday. He was 19. His mother really needs prayers. Her mother passed away yesterday afternoon too. If I am remembering correctly Jeremy was diagnosed a couple months after Viv. When I found out last night about him getting his wings my heart hurt. Really hurt. To fight for so long and be so young. It is never fare. Nothing about Cancer is fare. Everyone who has ever fought or is still fighting has people that love them and don't want to see them endure the pain. Everyone has a story. Love and prayers to Paula and others out there hurting from Cancer.
