Four weeks with no CHEMO...

So far so good. She had her counts checked and there was no sign of Cancer. Just typing that makes my stomach do a flip flop. It is wonderful and scary all together. I find myself in a place that is familiar to me. A place in which I do not want to reside. It is that place of feeling your insides spin and your shoulders up around your ears and feeling like you might implode. I have no real cause for being there now. She is doing fine. Fear is the driving force behind those feelings and I do not want to live in fear. I've lived in fear for a long time. It is now my time and my families time to not have me there. So I do not dwell there. I allow myself to feel the fear for a moment but then I get back up quickly and get moving on out of there.

She is scheduled to have her port removed on Wednesday! It is the last physical element to saying we are done! This aspect is both a relief and scary. But in all honesty she has outgrown it so regardless it needs to come out.

Physically she is doing great. Emotionally and physically not so much. She is tearful and overwhelmed with sadness each day. She is having to figure out how to play in groups larger than 2 people. She would tell me daily, "It is just too hard, Mommy. I don't know how." Which she doesn't she has been sheltered and her little mind does not process really fast right now and knowing how to play with more than 1 person at a time is a learned thing. I think as adults we take that type of learning process for granted. But when your 5 year old comes home upset daily from Pre-K that it is just "too hard" to play with multiple people it is heart breaking. We are working on it. I have to remind myself that she is behind and can be caught up and Rome was not built in a day. Cancer was not beaten in a day. It was a long 2+years and recovering from it will take time. Her immune system will take a full 6 months to recover as well.

We are dealing with insurance issues as well. Seriously, fighting cancer isn't enough?! Come on, Humana, get it together! We live right outside of Louisville, you are a Louisville based company how are you NOT covering ANY University of Louisville Doctors?! It baffles me! But I'm working on it. We shall see. I am not gonna get on my soap box about insurance. That could be its very own blog for me!!

OH!! We went to FLORIDA Last week!! AWESOME!!! Make-A-Wish and Give Kids the World are INCREDIBLE!!! I am going to write a post all about it! Hopefully this week. I want to post pics too! When we told the kids that it was our last day in Florida and that tomorrow we would be going home Viv replied, "Yeah, cause we have to get back to our real life cause this is just our dream life." And that pretty much summed up the week.

Happy Fall!