PHEW!

Let me see, where do I begin? Well, I suppose I should start with some exciting news. The increase of ViviAnne’s Chemo did the trick, her counts have all come down but not below the cut offs!! SO they are going to keep her at this increased chemo level and she seems to be tolerating rather well. She is such a trooper. Steroids have been rough with the attitude this go around BUT it could also be do to the fact that she has had an INCREDIBLEY busy last week!!
Here is how it all went….
Monday through Wednesday of last week ViviAnne attended Cheerleading Camp at my niece’s high school. Madison, my niece, is a Varsity Cheerleader and they do this for a fundraiser. ViviAnne was permitted to go into the 2nd grade group with her cousin, Abigail, because the two of them are attached at the hip when they are together. ViviAnne had a GREAT time. What little girl wouldn’t, she was encouraged to yell and jump around while INSIDE. These are two things that are frowned upon at home; she was loving it! GO REBELS GO!
Thursday morning was her Chemo day and the start of 5 days of steroids. She did as usual. No tears until after they took the needle out of her port. It is like she takes all her energy to keep it together and then the moment it is over she just lets the tears fall. My heart breaks for her. To think of how my very young little girl has the ability to pump herself up mentally and emotionally for all that she has to endure and she responds like I would and I think ANYONE would, with tears when it is all over. It is really something else. I was told more than once this weekend that she seems more mature than a 4 year old and in a lot of ways, she is!
ViviAnne was a flower girl this weekend in a wedding for Cousin Debbie’s daughter, Shelby. So, we had quite a few things to do over the weekend after an already busy week. Thursday evening we went to a cook out and both ViviAnne and Cooper swam and met one of the ring bearers. We had a good time and the kids loved swimming, as always. Cooper even went down the water slide and LOVED IT!

Friday Kim and I took ViviAnne to a bridal luncheon where she wore her fancy dress with her pink pearls and she was very well behaved. Shelby gave her the cutest bear from Build-a-Bear that was decked out in pink princess, ballet wear and even with a cell phone and crown, right up ViviAnne’s alley. Shelby recorded herself saying, “ViviAnne , you look FABULOUS!” and when you press the paw that is what you hear. She just loves it! That evening was the rehearsal and she practiced pretty well and then the dinner at Captain’s Quarters, she really enjoyed watching all the big boats and ducks and she is a BIG fan of Shelby. In her eyes she is the best thing since sliced bread.

Saturday was the big day! Poor Shelby and ViviAnne were off to a rocky start. But after a little bit of sprite and fanning and some bribery, only for ViviAnne though, the wedding went off BEAUTIFULLY! ViviAnne walked down the aisle and smiled when told to and stood where told as well, the only thing she did not do was drop the petals onto the floor. I think we had spent so much time telling her NOT to drop her petals and putting them back into the basket she just thought they were not supposed to come out of the basket at all. She really was precious and Shelby was GORGEOUS!
ViviAnne and Cooper both danced and Cooper behaved himself BEAUTIFULLY! ViviAnne on the other hand I think had just had enough. She was in tears and fighting with her Daddy and by 9PM she was up in the room ready for bed. She said to me through a little bit of tears, “Mommy, it was just A LOT! I’m sorry I behaved that way, but I am tired,” And you know what, I could not argue that at all. She had so many people she didn’t know telling her how cute she is and wonderful she did and couple that with being tired and on steroids and you get one worn out little girl and one worn out Mommy.

Needless to say Sunday and Monday have both been low key at home days. She did not even want to play outside today and the weather was wonderful. But I was not going to make her because honestly I did not care.
I was telling Brent how worn out I was and kind of complaining but you know what I take that all back! How lucky are we to be able to do these things with her?!? This time last year she could barely move from all the pain of the chemo and swelling from the steroids. We weren’t sleeping and all I could think about was, please let her survive! I mean exactly ONE YEAR AGO this is what was happening. I could not have even dreamt that I would be able to do cheer camp with her or allow her to be a flower girl! And now, I just PRAY that she does not ever relapse so that we do not have to relive that horrible HELL! Oh man, what a difference between Induction and Maintenance!! God is good and I have realized that somehow along the way I have embraced this life of Cancer. No, it is not a life I would have chosen and yes I do still get upset when I think about all that was taken from me, things I will never know or the fact that the constant steroid levels in my baby have altered her from who she could have been BUT I try really hard not to dwell on it. I allow myself to have the feelings but I don’t dwell. Because this is my life, I can’t change it and I have no choice but to try and make the best of it. It is kinda like Brent says, “If you want to see God laugh, think that you are in control.”

Delayed Update

A week ago ViviAnne received treatment. Her counts were still VERY high so one more month and then they will need to adjust her chemo pill to a higher dose if the counts remain high. As stated before, too high of counts means her body is processing the chemo too quickly and the chances of relapse are higher when counts remain too high for too long. It is all a balancing act. This time the chemo seemed to hit her hard! She was her usual angry, hungry self from the steroids and she had NO energy. She would want so badly to play, and would for a bit, and then she would go and lay down. You could tell she just did not feel well and was angry that she didn’t feel well. It took about a whole week and then she felt better. She has such an attitude this week too! But this could be a 3 year old with chemo brain too. Not a good combo.

Her hair is really growing and she has a cute little tan from swimming and her hair is getting white from the sun. I think it might be curly. The whole back of her head is wavy and the sides are long enough to be over her ears now and it is starting to curl up too. We shall see!

Even though this time of our live is trying I am reminded daily by acts of kindness from friends, family and strangers that God does have his hand in all of this. It is really comforting to know people are out there praying for us and supporting us through all of this.

Thank you Jindy and Christy...

Brent’s cousin, Christy, and her new husband Jindy have written very encouraging words on the blog and sent cards with words of prayer and encouragement as well from the very beginning of ViviAnne’s treatment. Well, now these two beautiful people have even gone one step further. They asked all of the guests at there Texas wedding reception to not bring them gifts but instead to use that money and donate to ViviAnne’s Fund! HOW AMAZING and UNSELFISH is this!?!?! To forego wedding presents so our family can have a bit of the financial strain lifted is too awesome for words!! We thank you for all of your kindness and love, Jindy and Christy. And to your guests who donated as well. Thank you!!